Funeral 201

Funeral 201
So after posting Funeral 101 I thought I would follow up with some more thoughts on me doing funerals.

One of the things I loved being a part of was just being there for people. I was so amazed at how many people just needed someone to hug. After the service people I didn’t even know came up to me and just hugged, not your typical quick hug, but hugs that lasted, and that really meant something. I realized that this, so many times, is what people are really looking for in these kinds of situations where loss is so evident. No reassuring words, no explanations, no “it will get better with time” statements. Good hugs communicate so much about how the person you are hugging isn’t alone in this.

And I’ve been thinking about future funerals, and the spiritual side of what I might bring to them. Whenever I’ve been to a funeral that helped me deal with the death of the person, it has been a funeral that reflected excellently on the person’s life. The worst funeral I’ve been to had a preacher practically yelling at the crowd telling them that Unless they believe in Jesus they are going to be sent to Eternal conscious torment by a God who is pure Love… weird. To say something like that at a funeral, for me, would be inauthentic for me and my connection with God.

But what about the fact that some people are going to be thinking about the frailty of Life and really dealing with their immortality, I mean, shouldn’t I “capitalize” on their vulnerable moment? ha that makes it sound like I’m going to trick people into a relationship with God. That’s really going to work.

I want to attract people to a relationship with God by the way I am present in the preparation for the memorial, the memorial itself, and the time after. Rather than try and trick them into something just as “fire insurance.” It’s probably not a good idea to enter into a relationship with someone because if you don’t they are going to hurt you.

I’m really having a hard time putting into words what I feel about this, here are a couple of statements that try and get to what I am feeling.

I feel like I’m called to be the aroma, not the bread.

If people are attracted to the God in me and are curious, than I would be honored to share with them how a relationhip with God has changed me, and journey with them in that exploration as much as possible whatever that looks like for them.

I’m not the electric current, I’m the conductor. I’m not going to try and make a something happen, If God wants to show up for somebody and wants me to be a part of it I’m more than willing. But I’m not going to “shotgun” a crowd of people who’s trust I haven’t earned yet.

This is not to say that I won’t ever talk about Jesus at a funeral. I will totally talk about him if the context is right. Part of that context is Jesus specifically being a part of that persons life. If the Family thinks it’s appropriate. And if I get the sense that people are “hungry” for the “bread,” I would talk to them individually first. I appreciate it when someone talks to me about God in the context of the relationship we have together. I am way more open to hear what the person says. But when someone I don’t know shotguns “the word of the Lord” at me I usually close right up. That might be my issue but I can only do what is authentic for me to do.

So to wrap up this long post.

I love it when a funeral director understands that there is something beautiful even spiritual in just reflecting on a person’s life. When they are really good at being the aroma. Really good at drawing people to a relationship with God not scaring the crap out of them.

Funeral 101

I had the opportunity to create and lead my Aunt Barbies funeral this past Monday. So a couple of thoughts.
What an experience, I was so grateful to be able to give back something to my extended family. They have given me so much through the years, and it was so fulfilling to try and help them grieve/let go/be there for each other.
My aunt was a super cool lady, Always greeted me with a hug and Smile (and gave me pop whenever I wanted). She was a very open person, and lots of people were touched by her life.
I was extremely touched by the people from her work, from the sound of things, her getting a job where she did was one of the best things for her, they treated her like family. They never quit giving her a paycheck the entire time she was to sick to go to work, and what she said was "they treated me like an actual human being," thanks for loving my aunt like that.
It was so good to see my cousins, Eddie, Bonnie, and Lyn, some of the coolest people I know.

My last quick thought about the funeral... I wanted to create a memorial service that I would want to go to, Something that was about the person who died, recognizing who they are, and that they have moved on, and that that person is now free. That grief is an important process, and not to rush it. And that we are here for each other. I stayed away from anything to preachy, I have been to a couple funerals where the preacher ended up preaching hellfire and brimstone, and totally ruined his opportunity to minister to peoples souls, I might have gone "too far" away from anything preachy, but I will probably always err on that side, it just seems more loving to reflect on the person and be there for people, hugin on em, or crying with them, than to tell people that unless you believe like me you are going to hell..... maybe I'm wrong though.

God's got a plan, and I want to get on board and treat people like he would treat them, like my aunt would treat them.